I went, very reluctantly to paint at the botanical gardens today...(sick Momma, husband with a very bad knee) getting this slideshow about did me in, thanks to help forums I got it.

  I  have been thinking my kitten is actually the fox from the Little Prince.
He adores me, and I hope that he feels this way in a year. I adore him, and I hope I always remember his kittenhood. A hawk threatens him outside flying closer each day-we can't go outside-he swooped and landed on the wall day before yesterday. His intention is to prey on this kitten. Luca found a feather from this red hawk too-third wing feather in-I found this incredible resource to identify feathers. Kitten smelled the feather-I was trying to explain to him why I can't just let him out as I was....we were going out all day together into the yard... and smelling the feather he went crazy-(twice) and stopped begging to be outside. He ran around screaming like I was hitting him with a bat.
Strange.
Awful actually the feather is now in a plastic bag and put away.
He's a wonderful buddy-my kitten- and as I take care of Mom with pneumonia (that just won't go) his company is so warm, so affirming. I think he's a bit sick today-maybe even feverish-I'm not sure. Yeah he is definitely hot tonight. He's sick. Maybe from leaping in my bath Friday. If I'm doing it he thinks he should and  he ended up swimming in my tub-no clawing, no scratching at all-not a bit- but I hauled my naked tush out of that tub 5 seconds after I got in (kitten pushed my door open-he's smart), wrapped him up. Unlike other cats I've had this one lets me bathe him in the sink, and isn't very afraid of water. When I hose outside he gets in the water. No I'm not trying to get him wet. I'm a bit worried that water got in his ears-he was drenched in my tub and swimming! So maybe he needs to see his vet.

None of that is something you are wanting to read. My daughter painted him above touching off this post so I could share Sylvia's work-exactly as I think of him. We have had NO interaction for me to tell her I see him as a character in the Little Prince but clearly she intuited it. This is my kitten. Tamed.
He has a wildness he is giving up- out of his love.

Which brings me to love.
I have been thinking a great deal about it this summer.
Certain things are true for me. The way love occupies me-I love you.
It just is.
So....my kitten is reminding me of one of the better parts of myself.

I was supposed to go on a trip this weekend, but Mom's condition just...I can't. But at the same time I'm not sure what to do with myself in the evening as I try to settle kitten, or stop from staring at the ceiling. Or worry over if we are doing things right with Mom's treatment.
I have a peach tree-so I've been making a jam called Raspberry/Peach Blush. Made 18 half-pints. Then tonight I canned 8 pints of Peach Preserves. I think they are a bit thin-but it tastes wonderful. I'd like to can blackberries and I found a blueberry recipe  to try. Tomorrow and this week I'll just have a go at a few things. We have an apple tree coming in so Apple Butter and Apple Jam are also on my to do list. I grow Lavender, oregano, mint, this- that, so they might find a way into these summer pleasures.
I would like to can some pickle. We'll see-even if I quit now I have made some delicious peach preserves. My kitten keeping me company all through it.
Incapable of the cruelty that is rejection.

It is important.

A few nights ago my son was skateboarding at around 9:30 PM in our neighborhood. Someone came out of the shadows, a neighbor-maybe 35 to 40, punched him off the board to the ground.Hurt him.
My son did not fight back, I think he ran home.

I understand skateboarding is "viewed" as anti-social and by some, hated.

But when he told me I had such pain and fear. It was overwhelming, and it hasn't lightened. The next night he went out at 11 for Carl's Juniors but I thought he was boarding and I stopped breathing fearing this neighbor that is capable of assault.

I taught in South Central years ago-many years later I reflect on those boys lost to violence.

A lot is going on in my heart.
The President spoke directly into my being.

One of the brightest moments for a teacher should be seeing a brave child lead a global call for the light that is learning. Watching Malala Yousafzai address the UN was just inspiring, and I plan on showing this video to my children to start our new year. I'm going to briefly tell her story to them as well. There are people that they need to know. She names others.
My thrust will be-your parents came here for education- and all over the world education isn't even yet a right. So let's take hold of our opportunity and enjoy learning. That's how I am going to begin educating my class. With a child who bravely champions the right of all children to educational opportunity.

When I read her story....it astounds me.

I THOUGHT I knew her story, but I didn't, not really.
This is a child, at a very young age, that has identified her meaning in life. Her focus, her insight, her bravery are inspiring. There is nothing I can do but present her story as informational text. I'm held to that high level of standard.


I found the text of her speech. I just would like to place it here.

In the name of God, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

Honourable UN Secretary General Mr Ban Ki-moon,

Respected President General Assembly Vuk Jeremic

Honourable UN envoy for Global education Mr Gordon Brown,

Respected elders and my dear brothers and sisters;

Today, it is an honour for me to be speaking again after a long time. Being here with such honourable people is a great moment in my life.

I don’t know where to begin my speech. I don’t know what people would be expecting me to say. But first of all, thank you to God for whom we all are equal and thank you to every person who has prayed for my fast recovery and a new life. I cannot believe how much love people have shown me. I have received thousands of good wish cards and gifts from all over the world. Thank you to all of them. Thank you to the children whose innocent words encouraged me. Thank you to my elders whose prayers strengthened me.

I would like to thank my nurses, doctors and all of the staff of the hospitals in Pakistan and the UK and the UAE government who have helped me get better and recover my strength. I fully support Mr Ban Ki-moon the Secretary-General in his Global Education First Initiative and the work of the UN Special Envoy Mr Gordon Brown. And I thank them both for the leadership they continue to give. They continue to inspire all of us to action.

Dear brothers and sisters, do remember one thing. Malala day is not my day. Today is the day of every woman, every boy and every girl who have raised their voice for their rights. There are hundreds of Human rights activists and social workers who are not only speaking for human rights, but who are struggling to achieve their goals of education, peace and equality. Thousands of people have been killed by the terrorists and millions have been injured. I am just one of them.

So here I stand… one girl among many.

I speak – not for myself, but for all girls and boys.

I raise up my voice – not so that I can shout, but so that those without a voice can be heard.

Those who have fought for their rights:

Their right to live in peace.

Their right to be treated with dignity.

Their right to equality of opportunity.

Their right to be educated.

Dear Friends, on the 9th of October 2012, the Taliban shot me on the left side of my forehead. They shot my friends too. They thought that the bullets would silence us. But they failed. And then, out of that silence came, thousands of voices. The terrorists thought that they would change our aims and stop our ambitions but nothing changed in my life except this: Weakness, fear and hopelessness died. Strength, power and courage was born. I am the same Malala. My ambitions are the same. My hopes are the same. My dreams are the same.

Dear sisters and brothers, I am not against anyone. Neither am I here to speak in terms of personal revenge against the Taliban or any other terrorists group. I am here to speak up for the right of education of every child. I want education for the sons and the daughters of all the extremists especially the Taliban.

I do not even hate the Talib who shot me. Even if there is a gun in my hand and he stands in front of me. I would not shoot him. This is the compassion that I have learnt from Muhammad-the prophet of mercy, Jesus christ and Lord Buddha. This is the legacy of change that I have inherited from Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela and Muhammad Ali Jinnah. This is the philosophy of non-violence that I have learnt from Gandhi Jee, Bacha Khan and Mother Teresa. And this is the forgiveness that I have learnt from my mother and father. This is what my soul is telling me, be peaceful and love everyone.

Dear sisters and brothers, we realise the importance of light when we see darkness. We realise the importance of our voice when we are silenced. In the same way, when we were in Swat, the north of Pakistan, we realised the importance of pens and books when we saw the guns.

The wise saying, “The pen is mightier than sword” was true. The extremists are afraid of books and pens. The power of education frightens them. They are afraid of women. The power of the voice of women frightens them. And that is why they killed 14 innocent medical students in the recent attack in Quetta. And that is why they killed many female teachers and polio workers in Khyber Pukhtoon Khwa and FATA. That is why they are blasting schools every day. Because they were and they are afraid of change, afraid of the equality that we will bring into our society.

I remember that there was a boy in our school who was asked by a journalist, “Why are the Taliban against education?” He answered very simply. By pointing to his book he said, “A Talib doesn’t know what is written inside this book.” They think that God is a tiny, little conservative being who would send girls to the hell just because of going to school. The terrorists are misusing the name of Islam and Pashtun society for their own personal benefits. Pakistan is peace-loving democratic country. Pashtuns want education for their daughters and sons. And Islam is a religion of peace, humanity and brotherhood. Islam says that it is not only each child’s right to get education, rather it is their duty and responsibility.

Honourable Secretary General, peace is necessary for education. In many parts of the world especially Pakistan and Afghanistan; terrorism, wars and conflicts stop children to go to their schools. We are really tired of these wars. Women and children are suffering in many parts of the world in many ways. In India, innocent and poor children are victims of child labour. Many schools have been destroyed in Nigeria. People in Afghanistan have been affected by the hurdles of extremism for decades. Young girls have to do domestic child labour and are forced to get married at early age. Poverty, ignorance, injustice, racism and the deprivation of basic rights are the main problems faced by both men and women.

Dear fellows, today I am focusing on women’s rights and girls’ education because they are suffering the most. There was a time when women social activists asked men to stand up for their rights. But, this time, we will do it by ourselves. I am not telling men to step away from speaking for women’s rights rather I am focusing on women to be independent to fight for themselves.

Dear sisters and brothers, now it’s time to speak up.

So today, we call upon the world leaders to change their strategic policies in favour of peace and prosperity.

We call upon the world leaders that all the peace deals must protect women and children’s rights. A deal that goes against the dignity of women and their rights is unacceptable.

We call upon all governments to ensure free compulsory education for every child all over the world.

We call upon all governments to fight against terrorism and violence, to protect children from brutality and harm.

We call upon the developed nations to support the expansion of educational opportunities for girls in the developing world.

We call upon all communities to be tolerant – to reject prejudice based on cast, creed, sect, religion or gender. To ensure freedom and equality for women so that they can flourish. We cannot all succeed when half of us are held back.

We call upon our sisters around the world to be brave – to embrace the strength within themselves and realise their full potential.

Dear brothers and sisters, we want schools and education for every child’s bright future. We will continue our journey to our destination of peace and education for everyone. No one can stop us. We will speak for our rights and we will bring change through our voice. We must believe in the power and the strength of our words. Our words can change the world.

Because we are all together, united for the cause of education. And if we want to achieve our goal, then let us empower ourselves with the weapon of knowledge and let us shield ourselves with unity and togetherness.

Dear brothers and sisters, we must not forget that millions of people are suffering from poverty, injustice and ignorance. We must not forget that millions of children are out of schools. We must not forget that our sisters and brothers are waiting for a bright peaceful future.

So let us wage a global struggle against illiteracy, poverty and terrorism and let us pick up our books and pens. They are our most powerful weapons.

One child, one teacher, one pen and one book can change the world.

Education is the only solution. Education First.

it is such a gift to work with students. Malala reminds me once again of why it makes an incredible difference. She offers her life to this- to champion the right to free and available education- it is an ethos, yes. 

Calling on WOMEN around the world to do this. I have no idea why my computer jumped to that bold large typing. It simply appeared. 

In my coming year, in teaching, I'm inspired again to value education and work for children.

 
This is a cute drawing of my baby kitten drawn by my daughter Sylvia.
Unfortunately it's my son giving the finger in something he found funny.
She took it from my pictures, this was his first picture. I suppose it's up to the point of view whether this is funny or not. I found it really crappy.
But that kitten is something I dearly love.
I took him for a blood draw today and for a shot for feline leukemia and to get his little claws nipped. He now cannot claw the blood out of me. I'm glad for that but he is not.
I have snuggled him all day-it was a complete ordeal for him.
I took a couple new pics, ok 100. But I'll put a couple here I think are cute:


He didn't feel well today, so it was very sweet he allowed me to take these. When I look I can see he's had a difficult morning.
I'm very bonded to this kitten, and he's a sweetheart.
It's impossible for me to explain. I'm glad for the love he gives so freely.

 

I started playing this tune cause it's the fourth:



"Mom, stop.
I mean it."

What, this song bothers you?

"If you do not turn that off I am going upstairs." My daughter is exasperated.


We are taking down the huge skateboard ramp. The one that has been sitting there a few years.
It kind of rotted-so it's time to either rebuild or stop skating in the backyard.

It makes me a bit sad actually.

Happy Birthday America!

Simon, Paul Simon singing with Art Garfunkel, wrote a bevy of songs that fit the 4th for me.
Always.
Honestly I don't know why, but they never seem to beat the crap out of her while asking for something MORE.

Freedom, pursuit of happiness, right to ask questions, public schools, roads, parks.
An amazing idea let loose.



What birthday are we celebrating?
America you are a math problem 2013 - 1776 = 237 ?
I've lived 54 years of that.
A thought hits me.
I've lived about a fourth of her history.

Have I thanked her lately?
No.



 Thank you America.




America is home to me.
It pains me when I listen to something like this:



That's LaVar on those heads, and Marsalis. They seem America to me.
The LaVar of the children - with his hands on the side of the car. In a traffic stop.
So we do come in her most uncertain hour. 
America needs to think hard about what LaVar Burton had to teach his 33 year old son.
I have to think hard about it.

If you don't listen to the video above my remarks are meaningless.

One time, when I was close to 30, I was walking in Westwood- back when Westwood in LA was hip. Also walking was a guy who was black, in a yellow sweater, and who was clearly a college kid walking around with friends. In one second I blinked and he was on the ground in a choke hold.
Jack saw it coming I think. He was yelling kind of, "What are you doing?" But he got told in no uncertain terms to get out of the way. He made a real effort to intervene-as I recall-it was a time when on the other side of town the "crack wars" were hot. This was so violent. I recall that day to him as he is in and out the back door today,  and on asking Jack -he recounts it even now. Yes, memory-we seem to have one.
What I see in my mind is him kind of flying through the air, and his friends just saying-this is our friend he goes to UCLA. Please listen...

So....

I went to work the next morning in South Central. 93rd Street School.
Teaching 4th graders in 100 degree heat, no air, no opening windows, no materials.
In overcrowding, not nearly enough desks. And I felt really strange.

Thinking about what I had to offer the kids.

A perspective.

So around our house we've been talking about America today-this week.
How our ancestors probably represent many sides or perspectives. Including the Revolutionaries.
The poor, the ordinary, the thinkers, the dispossessed. It is true that in our thoughts, attitudes, we are deeply affected by the times we are in, by the choices family made, by what we were taught, by what our times took on as change.
It's amazing to me that I was trying to put this into words to my mother, who is ill with pneumonia and has severe loss of words when speaking. She stopped me by saying, "There is always so much to work for."

I'm bound to work for bringing the arts to children-poor children-and an experience of that right to create- which I see as America's gift.

She gifted it to me.



In our discussions several small threads unwound around us.
My daughter and I , and my mother, discussed the "n" word and Ms. Deen's fall from grace.
What it was about, why it happened. It's churning in media as something to take our conscious off things like unequal neighborhoods, schools, so on. Eventually Sophia said-"Mom, Grandma was raised in the South (virginia) and she never spoke like this once, (she hasn't) AND she worked in these issues." And I thought about that.
But then we looked at Jimmy Carter asking for the entirety of Paula's works to be considered. Her work in homelessness and foodbanking. That was something that made us sit with it.
I'm not happy when I see on the John Stewart Show a comedian excoriate her for being fat which is different than holding racist views to me. For being a fat woman in her 60's. Over someone who said some stupid shit. That's a prejudice too.
And it is internalized by young women as a call to anorexia.

I found her plantation wedding thoughts deeply disturbing. My mother said, fumbling and coughing to do so, to my daughter-that's completely intolerable. Mom is in a mode where she says very little and is weak at 95 pounds-but she definitely loves butter. She does not know Ms. Deen having never seen her show and only a few recipes of hers.

So we were left feeling this was a sad thing, if you watch the special on Richard Pryor, on his life, that's a heartbreaker I've seen twice lately- he uses this word so much, but you get to a point where Richard goes to Africa returning planning to stop using it. He says no one was called that in Africa. No one.
That spoke to why the word is utterly an American invention- that tells us of something we need to learn from its having use here. Richard got it. If ever we needed redemption-this word is about that.
It is a vestige of what we can learn from our past for our future. We need to address it now.


So once a long time ago America decided-no royalty.
We've struggled with that over the years, but we definitely "said" it.
I think our decisions about $ are creating this new royals, Kardashian's and celebrity, as it was once Rockefellers and so on...but whatever.... we took kings and queens out of the picture. No one misses that in school- no matter how crappy btw. Last night I was reading in the LA Times all the things being bought for the new royal baby that is soon due. Plus I glimpsed all the royal maternity clothes.
and the royal beauty. All the pomp and the joy over what will be a child born into a loving family and the best that can ever be bought.
Plus Kim just had her West.
While I was reading a little screen popped out in the left hand corner.
It said something like "small child dies locked in car in heat"
Boom, then it was gone.

Here I was reading about a baby that will want for nothing while somewhere a child is lost.
And because I hadn't reacted fast enough to click an article- a child who was anonymous to me-another sad story- in a blink gone.
I've taught children lost to poverty for a very long time.
And children that overcame poverty and all the in betweens.
But I do know when one life "counts" and another doesn't. I do know it isn't healthy for one child to arrive with articles about all that is being purchased for them.
This is something that for some reason brought me to Jesus.
I always get a sense of wonder about the notion of his start in a stable.

America has amazing children.
On the 4th I'm sure we'll all be taking them to fireworks, thinking of family, hoping that our future-in their hands- is one of hope and promise.

Whatever else we tried in America we have had a past that did some things to help our children-and I hope we are still on the road to providing all of us access to the best public system possible. I hope we get why.

Yes, this is rambling, incomplete, unstructured writing.
It's written between cooking my mother breakfast, cleaning, folding wash. It's a work in progress.
I'm going to cook baked beans, deviled eggs and grill for the fam.
And sing an American tune.
It's all right.

America, happy Birthday.

It's my 54th!
My son made this really startling surprising present.
He left it on the table when I came in today-it was a complete surprise.
My own skateboard.
Truckless (at present).

I got a wish today too, talking to people dear to me.

So while we were driving in Westlake, for some strange reason something I thought up to do, the radio played "Like A Rolling Stone."
Some of the questions in the text of that song might be valuable for me to address.
Since the purpose of my blogging is to reflect.
(Song text = Bob Dylan)

 
"How does it feel
How does it feel
To be on your own
With no direction home
Like a complete unknown
Like a rolling stone?"


It feels strange, Bob.




At 54 I've distilled my wisdom down to a few things I aim at MYSELF.
Avoid talking politics.
Pass on candy.
Do not tell your children about your past. 
Eyes deteriorate.
Things you acquire or buy are responsibilities, chose with care.
Kittens have sharp claws.
Almost every judgmental thing I've ever said or felt- came back to bite me on the rear.
The garage will get cleaned when you get out there and clean it.
Offer something worth getting.
Too much of the time I'm ahead of my time.

 Going to try to do some better blogging and actually write soon. To be honest I'm still reeling from a long year teaching. Vacation is very necessary.