I’ve had a life where I learned sometimes we are blessed by cheerleaders. Drum majors really.
They lift us up and see our potentials and worth. They lead us to the waters of purpose.
I’m using this as I understand it here from Dr. Martin Luther King. 
Folks that for whatever reason believe and support the things we do, and help us become our best selves.  That in turn ripples out across the waters of our lives.

 My mom was my greatest cheerleader. Her passing six years ago has been impossibly difficult for me at a personal level, far more than my cancers, debilitating Syringomeyelia, pain, personal defeats, and a reminder to me of how I should be in this world for my children.
Yes, I’m trying to be a cheerleader in life to the students I’ve met too, which can be so easy to do or unbelievably difficult to see how to best do, and a cheerleader for those I’ve affected along the way, and for my own children's children- a new role I'm assuming. I’m awaiting a huge life milestone to arrive. My daughter is becoming a mom.
It's come at a time of stress and discouragement for me, like a beacon.

Did you know some folks never have this cheerleader or learn how to become this for another?
Some expect it of everyone, and some never process it as a gift.
And some folks live to beat you down. Most of us know this. (It's part of why I'm going to retire.
That news is coming here too eventually, as I face my mortality and human limits, and what I must do for baby. My role in this world is going to return to as an artist, my calling and mom -my greatest gift)

Years ago I wrote my hundred standards for the nation's public school children.
 http://sarahpuglisi.blogspot.com/2010/03/mrs-puglisis-100-national-standards.html?m=1
I sat through a day in tears trying to turn a hundred children I’ve learned from, whose memory lives on for me, into a "standard." The standard is basically holding the most important things in life they represented-now as a standard for all children. I've been told more times than I care to say that I'm missing the point of our standards. I always return to this as a foundation shift the school must undergo. Until that happens we can technically refine demands on our children's skills  as standards, but we do not have the motivation and reason to be effective. Things will fail. Much is failing-calling out to the new century.
At the time of writing I was facing a second cancer surgery for an on-going battle with small intestinal cancer. I felt an urgency to say something that was so compelling in that moment of doing. I wrote them in about four hours.
I could not believe that what children taught me could not turn into a minimum of what we might do with and for children in our schools. In most cases it was what they did not have. But in some cases it was exactly what they DID have. Not all lessons are taught in darkness.
And then I posted it here on my blog.

An interesting thing happened from that. It rippled out into the world.
Like circles from a stone thrown into the waters of our days.
My world grew a little. I learned others cared.
I learned more about Kurt Lewin's teaching who remains the educational thinker besides Carl Rogers and Maslow that I truly studied and apply. I learned more practically about how what we do ripples out.
Your actual actions and your behavior and your words have profound influence in ways you may never know-for good and nought. I see this now.

I gained a few dedicated cheerleaders in the post for my standards and my teaching.
One of those was Anthony Cody. I made real friends like Anne, she truly holds me up. Old friends glimpsed how I'd gone on to be. One of those friends is battling horrific illness right now and I know she doesn't really know how much her care meant. I send my love and prayers daily to her in Texas. Friends like Phil. All from a blog post that held my whole life within it.

One was Richard Lakin. He is my focus today.
Others not only shared the standards, which look very different from things like common core standards, the internet allowed many to cheer-lead for these standards in care.
Susan Ohanian for instance.
In an on going way I learned about Mr. Lakin as we communicated online. He sent me a book he wrote on his time Principal-ing in public school back East.
Principaling is an artform. Many do not even remotely understand this. Richard did. It is always primarily relational and lives far, far away from being a head down followers calling. It calls you to advocacy, care, and having great courage as you face how to be kind as you accept this responsibility to lead. He understood it is not passive. It is something I have never done myself, but respect those that do take it on. His book I'm sure is available. It lives in the here and now in small scale-the scale that presents itself to do our work within. What it really says grows on you. It is both small and wide.
He told me that following my writing inspired him. And he brought attention to his circle of influence. I felt such honor.

And Richard Lakin would regularly share on social media my standards and send me personal encouragement.
(He understands cheerleading.
He understands I’m needing this.)
And Richard Lakin was a cheerleader for Sarah as a teacher.
Thank you Richard. It meant a great deal. I know you are looking down on me and your memory will always be for a blessing.

Richard Lakin over ten years reached out.
As I assume he might have done so with you too. I'm seeing this beautiful circle of influence.

Four years ago he was murdered. Brutally.
He had gone to Israel to relocate. Or go home. His gift in life appears to be- from what I’ve learned- bringing about peace and care. Helping us to find out how we fit into this world and contribute to All our peace, and care. His journey was horrifically ended by a Palestinian who killed him on a bus in an attack of terror. This man who worked so hard to see the Palestinian point of views and to honor their struggle. It absolutely stopped me in my tracks, and I’ve meditated, prayed and had such deep grief over the loss to his family and our lives in the time after-these four years.
We can’t say in words what our cheerleaders in life have meant. Or what their loss means.
What violence and hate bring. Or what the power of love truly is. A force to apply into every situation.


Apparently his daughter has taken on helping see through one of his dreams.
A cheerleading project I just watched a video about. I want to honor this project. He wanted to share the story of two people he valued, saw, and felt their story mattered. 
His daughter has completed this video and posted it and I’m sharing here today.
Look below.

My blog has no real audience now. I sought to just go away. There is no way to know if I can help you learn about the story Richard wanted you to hear. Would you stop your life to help another?
I was discouraged from continuing my work writing many years back mostly by my teaching district . Silenced. That aspect did not please them. And I found over time that my basic goodness and decency having lost its cheerleaders, was just difficult to navigate in an unkind, uncaring world. It's hard.
My advocates and cheerleaders now operate in another realm.
I began trying my best to be this peace and love for those that I could. I started to put down the me to see the us, and hopefully I have been cheerleading as a good presence in children’s lives and education for a reason. Life should help us achieve peace and see us all matter.

I want to help my grandchild while I can. They are due in mid March. I want to say who I am is someone that sees the best you in you. That believes in you.

I’d like to take today to share this video Mr. Lakin was making that his daughter finished. It’s a beautiful soft, slow beautiful story of seeing two lives that were bound by their love and care. It is about how we can go about supporting one another. It is about Mr. Lakin as a cheerleader. Drum major. It is about the family that lives and misses him. It is about who we are and how the circles of our influence ripple through time and Space.
It is about two friends that helped each other and what that looked like. 
Hopefully you will share and broaden its reach.

 https://youtu.be/qfYEoqrn8gg

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  1.  




    I just read a nice editorial about HOW RELIEVED a newspaper is if we have National Standards.
    In the New York Times, you can read it here.
    Finally, it said, as if stranded in the desert seeing at the very last moment of possibility the solution to their thirst there at the oasis on the horizon. And like that, it's probably a mirage.
    At least this writer isn't aware how much we are and have been standards driven in the 30 some years I've been working in the field. But it must feel more "right" if the nation says "knows the 50 states" or "understands separation of church and state" or more importantly "understands the role of the free press in democracy." Yeah, well, national control, now that's a cheering thought, so much works so well once that gets going.

    My mom had printed out the commentary and before you knew it, I read the thing.

    For months I've tried not to read too much she handed over fearing it might contain yet another blow. Being a teacher right now is open season. I believe they expanded the season.
    I work in an Underperforming school, in some very difficult poverty, and therefore the Secretary of Education and my President may well label me "bad." Neat. That's the reality, among many now sadly. My close friend and partner teacher continually invites this National leadership to her classroom. To spend real time, and then maybe open awareness, dialog and learn about the realities. So far, no helicopter on the lawn.

    Last night I began thinking about my own "standards" what I'd wish for children.
    What I OFTEN do not see. But we aren't allowed to talk about that. And all too often as teachers we have been labeled if we did talk, about that anyway. Labeled as excuse makers. But just the same I'd like to see these things as standard.
    I know that's not what's being talked about. Still, it's what I assert matters "nationally."

    What I'd wish for the children I work with is this kind of bottom line. A set of standards. According to the best theory we have our not attending to these underpinnings of care and security prevent educational, personal, community health, well being, and stunt normal development. But that's not as easy as saying the teacher is bad. Not as target ready. Rather than fire, you might have to approach the entire situation by building good facilities, launching into community health, figuring out how to provide work, you might have to build a butterfly pavilion in every community, imagine, or cough up some art supplies, time, you might need to drive where I drive and really in-depth and individually look at things.

    So Today, before I do other things that I need to do, I'm going to list my standards:

    1. All children should know love.

    2. All children should know that they have a bed to sleep in tonight, and next week, and for their life.

    3. All children should have adequate, even delicious food, and know all about their food.

    4. All children should have support within the walls of their homes.

    5. All children should have the experience of play.

    6. All children should know nature, value nature, interact within nature, and be in families that have some capacity to do the same.

    7. All children should know, have, and be able to be friends.

    8. All children should have clothes to wear that help keep them warm, and expresses their beauty.

    9. All children should feel that their family is accepted, and is of value.

    10. All children should learn language, learn to speak by finding their world one that enjoys communication, the more languages that they know the more broadened the understanding.

    11. All children should have health and DENTAL care that their families are not fearful about, or simply can't afford or have, and know illness cannot bankrupt them. They need health care that attends to their well being.

    12. All children should be regarded as potentially, and individually, and instantly a part of whatever cosmic beauty, goodness,whatever we wish to call it, that exists and as such is the reason we all live with hope and possibility.

    13. All children should be permitted to listen to adults that are permitted to think.

    14. All children should be assured of schools, fair schools, schools where we do not reinforce unfair notions that already existed at birth, like if your family "has more" or lives on some piece of real estate or is somehow smarter or edging out another, then your school will be better. This unfortunately underpins the current national policy. That even includes the President. Whoever they are every child deserves a very nice school. Not a me, then everyone else educational model. (Check out Finland)

    15. All children should have books. Libraries are great.

    16. All children should have toys, but maybe ones parents make as well as buy.

    17. All children should have parents, family, neighbors, mentors that make things.

    18. All children should have systems at work within their lives that build healthy communities seeing them as the reason the community exists.

    19. All children should have adults that can cooperate, hear one another, resolve conflict, have the capacity to demonstrate love, attention, concern, solutions, turn taking, deference.

    20. All children should have paper, pencils, crayons, scissors, sprinkles, cookies, cups,cans, materials, glue, paste, making and doing.

    21. All children should have adequate sleep and rest.

    22. All children should have music. Every form, in utero on, to listen and sing to, in choir, to play, as a part of life. As a part of study.

    23. All children should be involved in learning projects.

    24. All children should know transportation systems to get them around safely.

    25. All children should enjoy celebrations, the most important at least once per year a celebration of that child and their value to our life.

    26. All children should begin the process of literacy not as a race but as a right, a joy, an exploration, and a normal function.

    27. All children should enter school believing and maintaining as long as possible a joy in learning, and a belief in self as not "behind", not labeled, not seen as less.

    28. All children should experience lives without bullies, and when there are bullies, teasing, cruelty, be able to easily find the resources, the support, the fairness to have access to help. To be heard.

    29. All children should know technology.

    30. All children should be given opportunities to demonstrate understandings.

    31. All children should learn within family and school to cook and care for their food.

    32. All children should be served food at school that is interesting, fresh, well made, delicious and not a frozen, re-baked, cultural wasteland.

    33. All children should be allowed to respect, care about, and return to teachers as important to their lives. They should know Mrs. P may well be in the same school in her room waiting 20 years later to see you again!

    34. All children should have time with the adults that conceived them. Daycare should be an option that is last on the list.

    35. All children should be allowed comfortable school furniture. Very comfortable.

    36. All children should do more each day in a school than they sit, or rarely be engaged in passive workbooking.

    37. All children should be educated in reasonable, perhaps even outrageously small groups, so that each child can and does get the care they need. No more than 15.

    38. Children should have opportunities to draw, color, illustrate, print make, dye, batik, sketch, paste, cut, collage, design, sparkle, explore, respond within art so that they have experienced quality materials and competent artists actively. Real papers, real crayolas, real inks, paints, that allow them to become human through art. And not bought by their underpaid teacher.

    39. All children need to hear the big pictures, even when we are still engaged in understanding the big pictures.

    40. All children should learn about their brain, body, systems, and how they work.

    41. All children should see the differences in cultures, people, societies as opportunities to become aware and to be amazed.

    42. All children should find mathematics from the time they hold the concept of three, until they are fully grown, as a part of everything we do, that mathematics has history, context, thought, theory and that they can find themselves perfectly a part of the understandings of this within its forms and functions. Male or female, rich or poor. (I'm pleased this worked out to be number 42)

    43. All children should learn to observe, should learn this within natural settings.

    44. All children should be engaged in science.

    45. All children should know animals, their care, to care for animals, support, raise and love them and understand as well the cycle of life.

    46. All children should know schools that support all of the above, and fight for these things ahead of anything else.

    47. All children should run on beaches, in grass, have playgrounds, feel forest floors, fly kites, gather leaves, cross streets safely, visit fire stations, meet the police in nice days to learn about hard jobs with the ability to ask them about their work, go to groceries, learn about money, see movies, roll down hills, sled, walk by crocus, talk to grandmas and grandpas, collect and recycle, play cards, take turns, have dice, play Candyland, do dance, gymnastics, try waterslides, learn swimming safety, go to farms, pet animals, cut pumpkins, smell pine, wash the floor with a friend, have chores, taste baked bread, knead dough, water plants, grow seeds, take care of fish, walk in lines, put on shows, sing with friends, flop on the floor, use blocks, without feeling anything but how good all of that feels.

    48. All children should develop constructs of learning that set and achieve goals, with the child involved.

    49. All children should be read to and start to read in a lap in a house or a home.

    50. All children should be cleaned, bathed, cared for as if they were a joy.

    51. All children should have shoes.

    52. All children should have coats and sweaters, gloves, hats and people that care whether or not they are wearing them or have them. And possibly make them for them.

    53. All children should have rules, limits, safety nets, systems, understandable patterns, routines, mentors, and those that love them well enough to have flexibility and judgment in using them ahead of rigidity and power.

    54. Children should be able to learn about work.

    55. Children should learn about how their society functions in terms of money, jobs, labor, roles, learning of others and their situations and within something hard to define, with open minds, with introduction of the complexity in society, the stratification.

    56. All children should feel that their family has capacity, intelligence, worth and intrinsic value.

    57. All children should sometimes ask and receive.

    58. All children should sometimes cope with a no.

    59. All children should have sharing time, if possible far longer than adults teaching them want to tolerate.

    60. All children should be allowed to wash their hands before eating, after play times as a normal experience.

    61. All children should attend schools, live in houses with adequate facilities to know a toilet, a bath, a way to clean clothes and to enjoy being clean.

    62. All children should live in a world where if mental illness affects the family there are ways to have, find, sustain help for them, and not drown.

    63. All children should have bandaids, both the real thing and the metaphorical kind. To heal.

    64. All children should be able to hear stories of kith and kin, hear other children's story, and grow within structures that value these experiences of "our story" above all else.

    65. All children should move in dance.

    66. All children should know sport.

    67. All children should watch Reading Rainbows, once per week well through 8th grade.

    68. All children should learn to build a fire, how to use a compass, how to set up a tent, ways to safely do the things that ensure our survival, taught in ways that don't frighten, but do allow them confidences and maturation. Camp, they should get to go to camp and ALL children need a trip to the nations capitol and to museums.

    69. All children should skip a stone over a pond, catch and cook a fish, throw back more than they catch, know snow, understand seasons, begin to feel the earth under their feet, be taught the earth's movement, time, the calendaring systems with contexts that engage them fully in experiential learning.

    70. All children should make large sidewalk drawings in chalk.

    71. All children should make presentations, displays, have fairs and experiences to present to families that come, watch, interact, appreciate and value as community experience.

    72. All children should learn about feelings.

    73. All children should make, have, use puppets, experience drama and plays.

    74. All children should find that they are valued for their opinion, and asked why, and expected to be heard as well as listen to another.

    75. All children should have literacy as a foundational right, have books be the center of educational experiences, find that what they read, experience within words to be valued as highly as possible.

    76. All children need access and understanding of history, time-lines, historical figures, historical perspectives, historical understanding of things we have learned from both our successes, but also our mistakes.

    77. All children should write, read and engage with poetry.

    78. All children should respect their own learning, and understand that their achievements help them individually to evolve, not to better over others, but to become more fully alive. And thus of value to others.

    79. All children should learn about the systems of religion, philosophy, schools of thought.

    80. All children should learn about death, in caring ways we should allow them to develop their understandings so they are not paralyzed by both their fears, but the realities they will face.

    81. All children should have a backpack.

    82. All children should look forward to each day.

    83. All children should be allowed to wear hats. Sunglasses too.

    84. All children should have someplace to do their homework, and someone that cares to talk about it with them.

    85. All children should find their talents and learn to use their strengths understanding as well their weaknesses.

    86. All children should laugh.

    87. All children should watch the sky. Value weather, learn about the earth, be engaged in the atmosphere, understand water tables, be aware of how these systems work.

    88. All children should learn to answer a phone, safely , and intelligently.

    89. All children should write, in a multiplicity of ways, all day and as a part of understanding, as a tool.

    90. All children should one day look up in their classrooms and rather than seeing an authority in the "watch" their teacher mode, see a President or an Ed Secretary or other important folk in looking at all the things they are doing, valuing their learning, finding within that community things to see as right in their learning.

    91. All children should take turns and know they will have a turn.

    92. All children should understand that if they do work, try, show themselves to be willing to learn, make mistakes and process them, that they can enter into fields they choose, that no door is closed because they are not rich, they should understand careers and opportunities and their roles, as well as community roles, in seeing them into futures.It should not be a mystery.

    93. All children when they fall, need a helping hand.

    94. All children should feel that they work within dynamics that see success over failure.

    95. All children should know the warmth of a heater, the light of a bulb, the luxury of air conditioning in rooms over 80. All children should see the value in those comforts and fully understand how that is provided to them.

    96. All children should get gifts.

    97. All children should make and give cards and gifts as expressions of thankfulness and connection.

    98. All children should have a blog in a child safe atmosphere.

    99. All children should learn within local settings that help to set goals and standards and to maintain ways to over see this.

    100. All children should be integrated, rich, poor, black, white, restricted by disability, glasses wearing, free thinking, Republican household, Democratic, representing every color, creed, view, and from such a base learn about self and others to the best of our ability to mix ourselves together within community, neighborhood, nation, to think of such things as more important than writing a bunch of standards and thinking that was the same as doing all of the above.


    I have more but I have work to do.
    I've taught children missing all of the above.
    I've taught these last 27 years knowing stories of kids that might break your heart that renders much of what I hear "proposed" into a joke like stance for some of our children while I was, and teachers like me were, scapegoated over understanding the complexities of the issues. Children deserve better than that. They deserve thinking adults. And schools and systems designed for them to do well. If this is addressed as the NY Times writer thought by these standards then I assume the above has been articulated into systems, structures and supports.
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  2. I’ve had a life where I learned sometimes we are blessed by cheerleaders. Drum majors really.
    They lift us up and see our potentials and worth. They lead us to the waters of purpose.
    I’m using this as I understand it here from Dr. Martin Luther King. 
    Folks that for whatever reason believe and support the things we do, and help us become our best selves.  That in turn ripples out across the waters of our lives.

     My mom was my greatest cheerleader. Her passing six years ago has been impossibly difficult for me at a personal level, far more than my cancers, debilitating Syringomeyelia, pain, personal defeats, and a reminder to me of how I should be in this world for my children.
    Yes, I’m trying to be a cheerleader in life to the students I’ve met too, which can be so easy to do or unbelievably difficult to see how to best do, and a cheerleader for those I’ve affected along the way, and for my own children's children- a new role I'm assuming. I’m awaiting a huge life milestone to arrive. My daughter is becoming a mom.
    It's come at a time of stress and discouragement for me, like a beacon.

    Did you know some folks never have this cheerleader or learn how to become this for another?
    Some expect it of everyone, and some never process it as a gift.
    And some folks live to beat you down. Most of us know this. (It's part of why I'm going to retire.
    That news is coming here too eventually, as I face my mortality and human limits, and what I must do for baby. My role in this world is going to return to as an artist, my calling and mom -my greatest gift)

    Years ago I wrote my hundred standards for the nation's public school children.
     http://sarahpuglisi.blogspot.com/2010/03/mrs-puglisis-100-national-standards.html?m=1
    I sat through a day in tears trying to turn a hundred children I’ve learned from, whose memory lives on for me, into a "standard." The standard is basically holding the most important things in life they represented-now as a standard for all children. I've been told more times than I care to say that I'm missing the point of our standards. I always return to this as a foundation shift the school must undergo. Until that happens we can technically refine demands on our children's skills  as standards, but we do not have the motivation and reason to be effective. Things will fail. Much is failing-calling out to the new century.
    At the time of writing I was facing a second cancer surgery for an on-going battle with small intestinal cancer. I felt an urgency to say something that was so compelling in that moment of doing. I wrote them in about four hours.
    I could not believe that what children taught me could not turn into a minimum of what we might do with and for children in our schools. In most cases it was what they did not have. But in some cases it was exactly what they DID have. Not all lessons are taught in darkness.
    And then I posted it here on my blog.

    An interesting thing happened from that. It rippled out into the world.
    Like circles from a stone thrown into the waters of our days.
    My world grew a little. I learned others cared.
    I learned more about Kurt Lewin's teaching who remains the educational thinker besides Carl Rogers and Maslow that I truly studied and apply. I learned more practically about how what we do ripples out.
    Your actual actions and your behavior and your words have profound influence in ways you may never know-for good and nought. I see this now.

    I gained a few dedicated cheerleaders in the post for my standards and my teaching.
    One of those was Anthony Cody. I made real friends like Anne, she truly holds me up. Old friends glimpsed how I'd gone on to be. One of those friends is battling horrific illness right now and I know she doesn't really know how much her care meant. I send my love and prayers daily to her in Texas. Friends like Phil. All from a blog post that held my whole life within it.

    One was Richard Lakin. He is my focus today.
    Others not only shared the standards, which look very different from things like common core standards, the internet allowed many to cheer-lead for these standards in care.
    Susan Ohanian for instance.
    In an on going way I learned about Mr. Lakin as we communicated online. He sent me a book he wrote on his time Principal-ing in public school back East.
    Principaling is an artform. Many do not even remotely understand this. Richard did. It is always primarily relational and lives far, far away from being a head down followers calling. It calls you to advocacy, care, and having great courage as you face how to be kind as you accept this responsibility to lead. He understood it is not passive. It is something I have never done myself, but respect those that do take it on. His book I'm sure is available. It lives in the here and now in small scale-the scale that presents itself to do our work within. What it really says grows on you. It is both small and wide.
    He told me that following my writing inspired him. And he brought attention to his circle of influence. I felt such honor.

    And Richard Lakin would regularly share on social media my standards and send me personal encouragement.
    (He understands cheerleading.
    He understands I’m needing this.)
    And Richard Lakin was a cheerleader for Sarah as a teacher.
    Thank you Richard. It meant a great deal. I know you are looking down on me and your memory will always be for a blessing.

    Richard Lakin over ten years reached out.
    As I assume he might have done so with you too. I'm seeing this beautiful circle of influence.

    Four years ago he was murdered. Brutally.
    He had gone to Israel to relocate. Or go home. His gift in life appears to be- from what I’ve learned- bringing about peace and care. Helping us to find out how we fit into this world and contribute to All our peace, and care. His journey was horrifically ended by a Palestinian who killed him on a bus in an attack of terror. This man who worked so hard to see the Palestinian point of views and to honor their struggle. It absolutely stopped me in my tracks, and I’ve meditated, prayed and had such deep grief over the loss to his family and our lives in the time after-these four years.
    We can’t say in words what our cheerleaders in life have meant. Or what their loss means.
    What violence and hate bring. Or what the power of love truly is. A force to apply into every situation.


    Apparently his daughter has taken on helping see through one of his dreams.
    A cheerleading project I just watched a video about. I want to honor this project. He wanted to share the story of two people he valued, saw, and felt their story mattered. 
    His daughter has completed this video and posted it and I’m sharing here today.
    Look below.

    My blog has no real audience now. I sought to just go away. There is no way to know if I can help you learn about the story Richard wanted you to hear. Would you stop your life to help another?
    I was discouraged from continuing my work writing many years back mostly by my teaching district . Silenced. That aspect did not please them. And I found over time that my basic goodness and decency having lost its cheerleaders, was just difficult to navigate in an unkind, uncaring world. It's hard.
    My advocates and cheerleaders now operate in another realm.
    I began trying my best to be this peace and love for those that I could. I started to put down the me to see the us, and hopefully I have been cheerleading as a good presence in children’s lives and education for a reason. Life should help us achieve peace and see us all matter.

    I want to help my grandchild while I can. They are due in mid March. I want to say who I am is someone that sees the best you in you. That believes in you.

    I’d like to take today to share this video Mr. Lakin was making that his daughter finished. It’s a beautiful soft, slow beautiful story of seeing two lives that were bound by their love and care. It is about how we can go about supporting one another. It is about Mr. Lakin as a cheerleader. Drum major. It is about the family that lives and misses him. It is about who we are and how the circles of our influence ripple through time and Space.
    It is about two friends that helped each other and what that looked like. 
    Hopefully you will share and broaden its reach.

     https://youtu.be/qfYEoqrn8gg

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  3. When I was hired at Cheat Lake by Mr. Walls in 1983 in my interview I was asked if I had a boyfriend or ANY intention of getting pregnant. Directly. It was perfectly clear that IF I answered yes -I wasn’t getting the job. He told me he had over 300 people in line for the job. Looking back I don’t believe that. At the time I did.
    I wasn’t aware of HOW to demand my rights in that interview and he followed any hiring process he felt was what he wanted to do. Wild West Virginia. There was no doubt that while some teachers were experiencing pregnancy at the school-he was making a young art teacher aware she wasn’t going to have a baby on his watch. And not because he cared about my life folks.
    So when I read this I fully believe Warren.
    That’s what it was like “back in the day” and had I gotten pregnant, unmarried, I can tell you right now I’d have been out of a job at Cheat Lake. While I’m certainly thankful I got the job I worked hard. And when I moved to California Mr. Walls attempted and failed to dirt me. Which was his resentment about my going. I did not deserve that.
    I saw him transfer a teacher to the far reaches of the county mid year. Her crime was daring to challenge him about a strange policy he had. He allowed the kids at the school to chew gum outside and she asked why. Who knows why. A student in her room had gotten it in her hair at a PE activity. It was a horrific mess she said. She disappeared. Transferred immediately.
    If you don’t acknowledge the crap that teachers have faced then you can’t believe Warren. But I know conditions like this existed. I saw it.
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  4. Today we had a training from the county (Ventura) about trauma and the effect on children.
    It was called TIPS.

    Now I've been addressing and talking about this my ENTIRE career, in depth here, so it's kind of odd to have it "introduced" to us. And it was pretty obvious that not much had been designed into this to answer- well what do we do. And that's ok. The fact the nation is looking at trauma matters.

    It mostly wanted to bring you up to speed on understanding children have behavioral issues from trauma. And are effected profoundly as learners, and if in the foster care system they are living, breathing, it daily.

    One interesting study they cited through Kaiser(which to be honest used to be the trash of medical systems) was showing that some ridiculously high percentage of obese patients suffered serious childhood trauma and in further work they saw amazing correlations between that weight and eating and a desire to hide, be unattractive,withdraw, and basically not live in the world of thin, sexually desirable folks. I'm not sure what to do with that info but it had something to say.

    I suggested they have my husband (John Puglisi, Rio School District) present on the issue because he does manufacture systems they are pretty amazingly good at reacting to trauma in children. Off hand I'd say that making health, good food, curiosity, creativity, teaching better to our kids, responding to failure, making happier schools, setting kids onto career tracks, utilizing experts and mentors, making communities thrive, expectations, innovation, and a tireless willingness to confront and respond with care are elements of taking on trauma in kids.

    This "isn't who you have to be forever" rings out to me.

    I was very disappointed in the county for "discovering" that which has always been there and having so little to offer, but perhaps this is a process and I'm just in a different stage.And I need to remember that. Trauma and it's debilitating forms has always existed. And it is good to see schools offer insights-to say they "get it."
    But I honestly think children need us to understand and be more ready to take this on. I like my school is thinking about yoga, mindfulness, strategies in our 2nd Step work-which offer insights into emotion and self regulation. I like FINALLY we are hearing relationship building is the essential key in teaching. I like that children's wellness, food, physical environment, poverty are entering into our awareness's as fundamental.

    I wrote my completely ignored by my district 100 Standards about this in 2007 and I offer it as a way to actualize this. If you recall them. If not I'll somehow put that here too. I think it's time to turn to teachers and hear them on what we see and how we work with trauma.
    Each of my standards I wrote thinking of a particular child. One who taught me this. And each offers a way we might better approach trauma and learning.
    I stand by my earlier work.



    Mrs. Puglisi's 100 Standards

     I just read a nice editorial about HOW RELIEVED a newspaper is if we have National Standards.
    In the New York Times, you can read it here.
    Finally, it said, as if stranded in the desert seeing at the very last moment of possibility the solution to their thirst there at the oasis on the horizon. And like that, it's probably a mirage.
    At least this writer isn't aware how much we are and have been standards driven in the 30 some years I've been working in the field. But it must feel more "right" if the nation says "knows the 50 states" or "understands separation of church and state" or more importantly "understands the role of the free press in democracy." Yeah, well, national control, now that's a cheering thought, so much works so well once that gets going.

    My mom had printed out the commentary and before you knew it, I read the thing.

    For months I've tried not to read too much she handed over fearing it might contain yet another blow. Being a teacher right now is open season. I believe they expanded the season.
    I work in an Underperforming school, in some very difficult poverty, and therefore the Secretary of Education and my President may well label me "bad." Neat. That's the reality, among many now sadly. My close friend and partner teacher continually invites this National leadership to her classroom. To spend real time, and then maybe open awareness, dialog and learn about the realities. So far, no helicopter on the lawn.

    Last night I began thinking about my own "standards" what I'd wish for children.
    What I OFTEN do not see. But we aren't allowed to talk about that. And all too often as teachers we have been labeled if we did talk, about that anyway. Labeled as excuse makers. But just the same I'd like to see these things as standard.
    I know that's not what's being talked about. Still, it's what I assert matters "nationally."

    What I'd wish for the children I work with is this kind of bottom line. A set of standards. According to the best theory we have our not attending to these underpinnings of care and security prevent educational, personal, community health, well being, and stunt normal development. But that's not as easy as saying the teacher is bad. Not as target ready. Rather than fire, you might have to approach the entire situation by building good facilities, launching into community health, figuring out how to provide work, you might have to build a butterfly pavilion in every community, imagine, or cough up some art supplies, time, you might need to drive where I drive and really in-depth and individually look at things.

    So Today, before I do other things that I need to do, I'm going to list my standards:

    1. All children should know love.

    2. All children should know that they have a bed to sleep in tonight, and next week, and for their life.

    3. All children should have adequate, even delicious food, and know all about their food.

    4. All children should have support within the walls of their homes.

    5. All children should have the experience of play.

    6. All children should know nature, value nature, interact within nature, and be in families that have some capacity to do the same.

    7. All children should know, have, and be able to be friends.

    8. All children should have clothes to wear that help keep them warm, and expresses their beauty.

    9. All children should feel that their family is accepted, and is of value.

    10. All children should learn language, learn to speak by finding their world one that enjoys communication, the more languages that they know the more broadened the understanding.

    11. All children should have health and DENTAL care that their families are not fearful about, or simply can't afford or have, and know illness cannot bankrupt them. They need health care that attends to their well being.

    12. All children should be regarded as potentially, and individually, and instantly a part of whatever cosmic beauty, goodness,whatever we wish to call it, that exists and as such is the reason we all live with hope and possibility.

    13. All children should be permitted to listen to adults that are permitted to think.

    14. All children should be assured of schools, fair schools, schools where we do not reinforce unfair notions that already existed at birth, like if your family "has more" or lives on some piece of real estate or is somehow smarter or edging out another, then your school will be better. This unfortunately underpins the current national policy. That even includes the President. Whoever they are every child deserves a very nice school. Not a me, then everyone else educational model. (Check out Finland)

    15. All children should have books. Libraries are great.

    16. All children should have toys, but maybe ones parents make as well as buy.

    17. All children should have parents, family, neighbors, mentors that make things.

    18. All children should have systems at work within their lives that build healthy communities seeing them as the reason the community exists.

    19. All children should have adults that can cooperate, hear one another, resolve conflict, have the capacity to demonstrate love, attention, concern, solutions, turn taking, deference.

    20. All children should have paper, pencils, crayons, scissors, sprinkles, cookies, cups,cans, materials, glue, paste, making and doing.

    21. All children should have adequate sleep and rest.

    22. All children should have music. Every form, in utero on, to listen and sing to, in choir, to play, as a part of life. As a part of study.

    23. All children should be involved in learning projects.

    24. All children should know transportation systems to get them around safely.

    25. All children should enjoy celebrations, the most important at least once per year a celebration of that child and their value to our life.

    26. All children should begin the process of literacy not as a race but as a right, a joy, an exploration, and a normal function.

    27. All children should enter school believing and maintaining as long as possible a joy in learning, and a belief in self as not "behind", not labeled, not seen as less.

    28. All children should experience lives without bullies, and when there are bullies, teasing, cruelty, be able to easily find the resources, the support, the fairness to have access to help. To be heard.

    29. All children should know technology.

    30. All children should be given opportunities to demonstrate understandings.

    31. All children should learn within family and school to cook and care for their food.

    32. All children should be served food at school that is interesting, fresh, well made, delicious and not a frozen, re-baked, cultural wasteland.

    33. All children should be allowed to respect, care about, and return to teachers as important to their lives. They should know Mrs. P may well be in the same school in her room waiting 20 years later to see you again!

    34. All children should have time with the adults that conceived them. Daycare should be an option that is last on the list.

    35. All children should be allowed comfortable school furniture. Very comfortable.

    36. All children should do more each day in a school than they sit, or rarely be engaged in passive workbooking.

    37. All children should be educated in reasonable, perhaps even outrageously small groups, so that each child can and does get the care they need. No more than 15.

    38. Children should have opportunities to draw, color, illustrate, print make, dye, batik, sketch, paste, cut, collage, design, sparkle, explore, respond within art so that they have experienced quality materials and competent artists actively. Real papers, real crayolas, real inks, paints, that allow them to become human through art. And not bought by their underpaid teacher.

    39. All children need to hear the big pictures, even when we are still engaged in understanding the big pictures.

    40. All children should learn about their brain, body, systems, and how they work.

    41. All children should see the differences in cultures, people, societies as opportunities to become aware and to be amazed.

    42. All children should find mathematics from the time they hold the concept of three, until they are fully grown, as a part of everything we do, that mathematics has history, context, thought, theory and that they can find themselves perfectly a part of the understandings of this within its forms and functions. Male or female, rich or poor. (I'm pleased this worked out to be number 42)

    43. All children should learn to observe, should learn this within natural settings.

    44. All children should be engaged in science.

    45. All children should know animals, their care, to care for animals, support, raise and love them and understand as well the cycle of life.

    46. All children should know schools that support all of the above, and fight for these things ahead of anything else.

    47. All children should run on beaches, in grass, have playgrounds, feel forest floors, fly kites, gather leaves, cross streets safely, visit fire stations, meet the police in nice days to learn about hard jobs with the ability to ask them about their work, go to groceries, learn about money, see movies, roll down hills, sled, walk by crocus, talk to grandmas and grandpas, collect and recycle, play cards, take turns, have dice, play Candyland, do dance, gymnastics, try waterslides, learn swimming safety, go to farms, pet animals, cut pumpkins, smell pine, wash the floor with a friend, have chores, taste baked bread, knead dough, water plants, grow seeds, take care of fish, walk in lines, put on shows, sing with friends, flop on the floor, use blocks, without feeling anything but how good all of that feels.

    48. All children should develop constructs of learning that set and achieve goals, with the child involved.

    49. All children should be read to and start to read in a lap in a house or a home.

    50. All children should be cleaned, bathed, cared for as if they were a joy.

    51. All children should have shoes.

    52. All children should have coats and sweaters, gloves, hats and people that care whether or not they are wearing them or have them. And possibly make them for them.

    53. All children should have rules, limits, safety nets, systems, understandable patterns, routines, mentors, and those that love them well enough to have flexibility and judgment in using them ahead of rigidity and power.

    54. Children should be able to learn about work.

    55. Children should learn about how their society functions in terms of money, jobs, labor, roles, learning of others and their situations and within something hard to define, with open minds, with introduction of the complexity in society, the stratification.

    56. All children should feel that their family has capacity, intelligence, worth and intrinsic value.

    57. All children should sometimes ask and receive.

    58. All children should sometimes cope with a no.

    59. All children should have sharing time, if possible far longer than adults teaching them want to tolerate.

    60. All children should be allowed to wash their hands before eating, after play times as a normal experience.

    61. All children should attend schools, live in houses with adequate facilities to know a toilet, a bath, a way to clean clothes and to enjoy being clean.

    62. All children should live in a world where if mental illness affects the family there are ways to have, find, sustain help for them, and not drown.

    63. All children should have bandaids, both the real thing and the metaphorical kind. To heal.

    64. All children should be able to hear stories of kith and kin, hear other children's story, and grow within structures that value these experiences of "our story" above all else.

    65. All children should move in dance.

    66. All children should know sport.

    67. All children should watch Reading Rainbows, once per week well through 8th grade.

    68. All children should learn to build a fire, how to use a compass, how to set up a tent, ways to safely do the things that ensure our survival, taught in ways that don't frighten, but do allow them confidences and maturation. Camp, they should get to go to camp and ALL children need a trip to the nations capitol and to museums.

    69. All children should skip a stone over a pond, catch and cook a fish, throw back more than they catch, know snow, understand seasons, begin to feel the earth under their feet, be taught the earth's movement, time, the calendaring systems with contexts that engage them fully in experiential learning.

    70. All children should make large sidewalk drawings in chalk.

    71. All children should make presentations, displays, have fairs and experiences to present to families that come, watch, interact, appreciate and value as community experience.

    72. All children should learn about feelings.

    73. All children should make, have, use puppets, experience drama and plays.

    74. All children should find that they are valued for their opinion, and asked why, and expected to be heard as well as listen to another.

    75. All children should have literacy as a foundational right, have books be the center of educational experiences, find that what they read, experience within words to be valued as highly as possible.

    76. All children need access and understanding of history, time-lines, historical figures, historical perspectives, historical understanding of things we have learned from both our successes, but also our mistakes.

    77. All children should write, read and engage with poetry.

    78. All children should respect their own learning, and understand that their achievements help them individually to evolve, not to better over others, but to become more fully alive. And thus of value to others.

    79. All children should learn about the systems of religion, philosophy, schools of thought.

    80. All children should learn about death, in caring ways we should allow them to develop their understandings so they are not paralyzed by both their fears, but the realities they will face.

    81. All children should have a backpack.

    82. All children should look forward to each day.

    83. All children should be allowed to wear hats. Sunglasses too.

    84. All children should have someplace to do their homework, and someone that cares to talk about it with them.

    85. All children should find their talents and learn to use their strengths understanding as well their weaknesses.

    86. All children should laugh.

    87. All children should watch the sky. Value weather, learn about the earth, be engaged in the atmosphere, understand water tables, be aware of how these systems work.

    88. All children should learn to answer a phone, safely , and intelligently.

    89. All children should write, in a multiplicity of ways, all day and as a part of understanding, as a tool.

    90. All children should one day look up in their classrooms and rather than seeing an authority in the "watch" their teacher mode, see a President or an Ed Secretary or other important folk in looking at all the things they are doing, valuing their learning, finding within that community things to see as right in their learning.

    91. All children should take turns and know they will have a turn.

    92. All children should understand that if they do work, try, show themselves to be willing to learn, make mistakes and process them, that they can enter into fields they choose, that no door is closed because they are not rich, they should understand careers and opportunities and their roles, as well as community roles, in seeing them into futures.It should not be a mystery.

    93. All children when they fall, need a helping hand.

    94. All children should feel that they work within dynamics that see success over failure.

    95. All children should know the warmth of a heater, the light of a bulb, the luxury of air conditioning in rooms over 80. All children should see the value in those comforts and fully understand how that is provided to them.

    96. All children should get gifts.

    97. All children should make and give cards and gifts as expressions of thankfulness and connection.

    98. All children should have a blog in a child safe atmosphere.

    99. All children should learn within local settings that help to set goals and standards and to maintain ways to over see this.

    100. All children should be integrated, rich, poor, black, white, restricted by disability, glasses wearing, free thinking, Republican household, Democratic, representing every color, creed, view, and from such a base learn about self and others to the best of our ability to mix ourselves together within community, neighborhood, nation, to think of such things as more important than writing a bunch of standards and thinking that was the same as doing all of the above.


    I have more but I have work to do.
    I've taught children missing all of the above.
    I've taught these last 27 years knowing stories of kids that might break your heart that renders much of what I hear "proposed" into a joke like stance for some of our children while I was, and teachers like me were, scapegoated over understanding the complexities of the issues. Children deserve better than that. They deserve thinking adults. And schools and systems designed for them to do well. If this is addressed as the NY Times writer thought by these standards then I assume the above has been articulated into systems, structures and supports.
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  5. For quite some time I've been silent.

    I would like to talk about #MeToo
    Not all my stories because some I still cannot fathom speaking. It may be that's representative of being female. Too much to let out.
    But I'd like to try to talk about a thread I'm feeling.


    Yes, I'm a teacher, mother, wife, child, many roles lived, and many days lived at 58. I'm fortunate to have reached elderliness and sad about it too. But I've shifted profoundly in my life and #metoo may hit me unlike my own children. But it is not going unnoticed or unappreciated. I never wanted to carry stories to my grave of the kind I carry. That my mother certainly carried. Both for students whose privacy I protect and my own pain so many stories unheard. I wanted to be heard and seen. People suffer living this life.

    This year once again I'm listening mostly to families working to raise children. On a day like today-Valentine's Day-I see the tangible evidence of the family-sending in the love and "stuff" of this day. It was knee deep in here-never more represented by time and effort than what I saw today. Amazing. I recall those days in my momming and my childhood. Valentines. I know it's a grander scale now. But I know I had cards. I don't know how I ever got them. It leaks out memories that are painful because my childhood had the stain of kinds of abuse. And troubles. But I had cards and I had caring folks that I treasure that in most cases helped. On Valentines Day I saw some parents today coming in to try and make things be okay for their child. Some were struggling to contain their own pain.

    One Momma has been leaking that burden into my inadequate hands. And ears. She's struggling to parent. Truly. And we trust very wearily coming from the mess that was her kidhood-both her parent's failures but also her failures. She says she's forgiven herself and she lapses into blaming, over sharing,into scary  rage. She's literally a train wreck in a visit. I've got a note on my door saying I'm now unavailable due to exhaustion. And that partially because she will reappear to want more.

    Her#metoo stories are unfathomable and,yet, not even close to my life. She can't be remotely aware of that because right now I'm just a mirror-a teacher-that one she never had- that she wanted-capable of seeing her and accepting her and helping her.

    Who I am is hidden.

    So for Valentine's Day I'm speaking to say I think to help women it is a time to hear them, not on the internet or in a letter or in gossip but just as we encounter people and they need to go to a dark and scary place I think we should go along. Nothing about the world as it is would indicate you've "got time for that." Note the sign today on my door-we are exhausted. But so many of us have never been asked-
    What happened that you cannot tell?
    Why did you hide this?
    When you loved someone and they rejected you how was this?
    What frightened you?
    How was it to be hurt by a loved one?
    How could it have happened that?
    Explain to me why...
    So many things we have needed to just share quietly one to one without paying for it.
    On any level.

    A few years ago after repeated near death health scares my fences eroded and I wrote.
    But in most cases to several people that used that to damage me further or dissect me or reject. Sure, their issue- but ultimately silencing my attempt to piece things together. That's common.
    Women experience it often and they know that from all sides as we do it.
     We just "don't have time for it."

    What I'm noticing now is a surge or awareness that I see these young mothers trying to process their pain, experience and they need mirrors, concern, wisdom, acceptance and love. Ultimately I understand the need as it lives inside of me as a human need.
    I've felt inadequate and at times hassled by having to "go there." And wondered-why me, why today, why not me getting to share?

    All I really do know is that their hurt, abuse, rips remind me both of my own but also what I may see passing along into the young as I teach from horrible parenting. It is time we address #metoo as a process of our being with one another in ways that help.

    I understand- men you need to change. You haven't ALL damaged someone but you all need to enter the listening and acceptance stage.
    You do all need to stop justifying and objectify.And stop women from going there to appeal to your baser self.
    You all do need to think of your anger and how it is expressed.
    You ALL to a man must monitor one another.

    Not a single member of my father's family addressed his rage and his behavior WITH HIM. His sisters took the time to "check my story" with his on-going parade of wives after my mother. They were not listening to me and I'm through needing them-I walled it off.
    No Uncle was there for me,

    And in my parents and children I see when teaching I see volumes of hearing needed. And changes. Many changes.
    It is not scary and we can model this working with our kids. We can hear them, see them and care what is happening but our Social systems and our testing and our data and our Special ed and our lessons are all going to need to change. We are going to need to accept responsibility for our actions and change them.

    And we need to make real amends. No longer allow things.

    We must stop killing our souls, our hearts, our sisters with our words.
    We need to figure out better how to love one another within the context of our humanity and personal situations.

    Start by hearing another and see if #metoo is speaking to you.
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  6. september 11th, by Sylvia Puglisi,
    A depressing sort of poem. But there could hardly be a happy one today, I suppose.

    * * *

    september 11
    17 first-graders
    moment of silence skipped
    for the immediacy of fresh strawberries
    and the novelty of pencil sharpeners
    (which may never wear off in this lifetime)

    invisible principal over the intercom
    (like in the old cartoons that reliably reproduced so many aspects of school particularly the cliched plots and precocious love lives)
    reading bad poetry in a
    flat lifeless voice
    like shakespeare in junior high
    with unenthused classmates
    esoteric
    and meaningless.
    stephen asks me to sharp his pencil
    and wonders why i
    teacher stands there for several moments
    staring blankly ahead
    looking like she's about to cry
    and then laughing quietly
    at how absurd it all is.

    come to the rug, children.
    i want to tell you a story
    of something that happened before you were born
    to people you will never get to know
    in a place you've never been.
    (next will be a story of a
    giant blue-green ball hurtling through space
    and a giant yellow ball
    they hold like lovers
    el sol y la tierra
    we love story time
    especially doctor seuss!)

    in the story it is a tuesday
    just like today.
    here is the sign for tuesday, make a t with your fingers and circle
    tuesday
    a cold bright tuesday just like today
    it was september 11 that day
    just like today.
    september is a long word that starts with an s
    and let's count to eleven
    one two three four five six seven eight nine ten eleven
    and in spanish
    uno dos tres quatro cinco seis siete ocho nueve diez once
    once upon a time
    in the year 2001
    before most of you were
    born or when you were the tiniest infant
    gnawing your fist and smiling to the delight of your parents.
    on a day just like today
    when little children just like you were counting the date
    a bad thing happened.
    a very bad thing.

    bad people
    very angry, nasty people
    who perhaps did not have enough
    people to love them
    hurt our country
    the United States of America
    you know America in sign language, children
    it is like a hug in a circle
    show me, children.

    our country was attacked
    some airplanes were flown into buildings
    important buildings
    two tall ones in New York
    which fell down
    also a military building called the Pentagon
    which has five sides
    show me five fingers, children.
    very good.
    and the last plane
    the good people took from the bad people
    and flew into the ground instead of a building.
    many, many people died.
    the people in the planes and the buildings
    and some of the firefighters who tried to save them
    they were heros, do you know that word?
    it means brave, brave people who did something amazing
    like going into a building that is on fire and falling down
    and rescuing people.
    are you listening, children?
    isaac, put your head down.

    this was the biggest attack on American soil ever
    which means
    that it was really scary for us
    really scary for your parents
    who probably grabbed you
    their babies
    from the cradles
    and held you close
    and whispered soft comforting words to themselves
    as they watched pictures on the tv
    and cried or
    just sat
    watching.

    the world is different now
    you don't know because you don't remember
    how it was before
    you can't ever know the time when parents
    worried about teething rings and toes
    and not fiery explosions.
    you weren't sitting there like i was
    in a classroom on tuesday
    (which was picture day and everyone
    was dressed to the nines
    it was two days after my birthday
    and i had new clothes
    i was looking sharp)
    a whisper went around
    that something terrible had happened
    a disaster
    an earthquake
    a bomb
    people were dying
    where? new york
    new york which was more magical and mystical to us than disneyland
    new york with the giant apple and the statue of liberty
    with the buildings that scraped the sky.

    there was a moment of silence

    kids fidgeted a little just like
    you fidget today just like
    we fidgeted when old men with gravelly voices told us of pearl harbor.
    they speak of it like an old scar
    the memory is still fresh.
    september 11 is for me a cut
    that it took a long time for me to realize was bleeding
    like the scrape on the leg that i got from band
    which i didn't feel at the time any more than a poke
    but later my band teacher gasped and
    pointed at when the blood was dripping to the floor.
    i have a scar now, too.

    but you children have no scars
    you are young and
    tiny and unblemished and i
    truly hope no history is made in your lifetime
    because it is a messy business
    or so i have found.
    we with memory scars will age and fade
    recounting stories for
    our childrens' school reports on historical events.
    you will grow and replace us and get your own scars
    falling off your bicycle.
    you will remember the date as a
    sad story and me
    teacher crying a little when you're not looking
    and so will move past me
    into the future
    without my fears and doubts.

    this consoles me, children
    on this big blue ball going around the big yellow ball
    you have danced around six times
    keep dancing, children
    the slow beautiful waltz of time.
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  7. I cleaned my closet today. It's large and a walk in and I'm lucky to have it. Sadly it has been stuffed full for a long time, mostly things I can't fit in, or are gastlywhen I'm in them.  It represents my spending during times I was ill, really. And horrific taste. 

    Anyway loads of donations are waiting to go. I also cleaned out my dresser finding these cards below from my children. I had to put this on my blog to be able to talk about how I feel finding them.  The saddest part is I only recall one of the cards. So I sat awhile today thinking about how it was for them to have a mom that went to forty colonoscopies, at least forty PET and CAT scans, who had five major gastro bleeds, six bouts of peritonitis, two intestinal cancer surgeries, one 18 day stay in the hospital due to the tumor they didn't figure out, an exploratory surgery, boy maybe twenty kidney stones where I had to go to a hospital suddenly, three kidney stone surgeries one with life threatening infection, unbelievable issues leading to ER visits and then years of struggle with the syrinx and back surgery for a herniated disc after five years. Sadly there is more. I don't recall it all, I know I've given blood samples so much you can't get them now with destroyed veins, hundreds of times, hours of infusions. My kids grew up through this. 
    Imagine. 

    They made me these cards. They are beautifully drawn. And I just used to pray let me see them to adulthood. It's Luca I think that got the worst of it. Somehow. 

    As I looked at all these clothes today throwing them in bags I just felt done with  those days. I honestly can't recall things I know due to anesthetics and damage to my mind. At the stage they made these cards I didn't know a me any more. 

    I was lost and broken. 

    Except for these children. 




     




     


     


     

    This one I remembered. 



     


     
     I have years of beautiful cards they've made. But these ones spoke to me because they were from time wiped away from me. My children never complain but they have rights to. They had a very scary mom. Too often rushed to emergency. I'm so sad for that. I cannot really relate as my mom never was ill. Or dizzy. Or that sick until her stroke when I was no longer little-  probably 20. 
    It was awful as it was diagnosed as schizophrenia because she heard voices but it was a stroke in a part of the brain that has aural hallucinations. She suffered double vision and so much more. She was my age now.

    I learned in my forties all you think you know of self, life is easily just a perception that alters, radically. It was a lot to learn. 
    Then I encountered a person and then some others that stripped away any illusions I might have of finding love and care in others. The forties were hard on me but my unavailability to my kids hurts  I pray I did ok. But I know. 

    Their care for me I just see in these cards. My gosh I see it. 

    I love them all dearly. Sylvia, Sophia and Luca. The dearest. 
     
     
     

     
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  8. See my Mrs. Puglisi's 100 National Standards
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    Two lovely pictures were made for me (and my mom) by my daughter Syl for Mother's Day.
    She's taking a painting class at Caltech, but she's been raised drawing- and certainly lived in museums.
    She really likes Magritte. This painting, "Ceci n'est pas une pipe" is a piece in my art, art history, painting and philosophy classes that took us into interesting discussions. But my daughter doesn't know that.

    Of it Magritte said:
    "The famous pipe. How people reproached me for it! And yet, could you stuff my pipe? No, it's just a representation, is it not? So if I had written on my picture "This is a pipe," I'd have been lying!"
    And I found searching this realistic abstraction took me in interesting directions on a net I haven't decided is real or abstract, e-stract I believe.




    Right now she's doing a Magritte image or homage in a painting she says will take "three months" and is "very, very small." I love hearing her talk to me about the things she's learning, translated through her lens. My daughter Sophia, to be able to take art or painting, had to take a kind of "What is art?" class at UCSB,and listening to her describe what she is studying is similarly fascinating. The class started with the performance art where the guy has his friend shoot him. Welcome to my world girls.

    I decided to put the phrase from the painting into a google search and turned up this.
    "To Paint is Not To Affirm" Foucault

    I want to grab that page and put it here, it's very interesting, but I shouldn't.
    It's just fascinating to think about image, thing, word, meaning, abstraction, real, nothing.....

    From Wiki I found that others have thought awhile on this pipe, admittedly cracking me up (pun there if you look):
    French literary critic and philosopher Michel Foucault discusses the painting and its paradox in his 1973 book, This Is Not a Pipe (English edition, 1991).
    In Scott McCloud's Understanding Comics, the painting is used as an introduction to the second chapter. McCloud points out that, not only is the version that appears in his book not a pipe, it is actually several printed copies of a drawing of a painting of a pipe.[4]
    Douglas Hofstadter also discusses this painting and other images like it in Gödel, Escher, Bach: An Eternal Golden Braid, a work on cognition and consciousness.[5]
    Then I found a fascinating "review."

    This could be a pipe:
    Foucault, irrealism and Ceci n'est pas une pipe

    by G.S. Evans


    It had a quote most interesting that drew me in:

    "This is not a pipe." Foucault argued that the incongruity between the pipe and its legend illustrated his position, stated elsewhere, that "[neither words nor the visible] can be reduced to the other's terms: it is in vain that we say what we see; what we see never resides in what we say. And it is in vain that we attempt to show, by the use of images, metaphors, or similes, what we are saying..." [p.9]. Thus, he argued, the drawing (and the series of paintings by Magritte that it inspired) strips us of the certainty that the pipe is a pipe, and "inaugurates a play of transferences that run, proliferate, propagate, and correspond within the layout of the painting, affirming and representing nothing."
    Then I read this excerpt:

    But to what end this strangeness? Foucault considers it to be Magritte's contribution to the anti-linguistic program of modernism, intended to show, in the words of James Harkness' introduction to Foucault's essay, that "a painting is nothing other than itself, autonomous from the language that lies buried in representational realism." But where painters such as Klee and Kandinsky used abstraction to make their point, Magritte "allows the old space of representation to rule, but only at the surface, no more than a polished stone, bearing words and shapes: beneath, nothing." [41] In spite of initial appearances, a work by Magritte is a "gravestone" of representational realism. "Magritte names his paintings in order to focus attention upon the very act of naming," Foucault writes. "And yet in this split and drifting space, strange bonds are knit, there occur intrusions, brusque and destructive invasions, avalanches of images into the milieu of words, and verbal lightning flashes that streak and shatter the drawings." [p.36] Magritte thus helps to overthrow two principles that, according to Foucault, long governed painting. The first is the principle of resemblance, which "presumes a primary reference that prescribes and classes" copies, where "either the text is ruled by the image (as in those paintings where a book, an inscription, or the name of a person are represented); or else the image is ruled by the text (as in books where a drawing completes, as if it were merely taking a short cut, the message that words are charged to represent)." Where "verbal signs and visual representations are never given at once. An order always hierarchizes them, running from the figure to discourse or from discourse to the figure." [32-33] The second, related principle is that there is "an equivalence between the fact of resemblance and the affirmation of a representative bond. Let a figure resemble an object (or some other figure), and that alone is enough for there to slip into the pure play of the painting a statement--obvious, banal, repeated a thousand times yet almost always silent...[that] 'what you see is that.'" [34]
    Magritte's unraveled calligrams, according to Foucault, help to show that neither language nor painting "can be reduced to the other's terms: it is in vain that we say what we see; what we see never resides in what we say."
    And that was interesting.
    Then the essayist argues their understandings, taking Foucault to task:
    "...Foucault--in this essay, and for whatever reason--hasn't provided us with any rationale for his complete rejection of the image as an analogue of the object. We must look elsewhere in his writing to try and deduce this rationale, which very quickly brings us to Foucault's argument in The Order of Things that there is a mystical identification of words with the essences of things in Western culture, where languages "speak the heaven and the earth of which they are the image; [and] reproduce in their most material architecture the cross whose coming they announce--that coming which established its existence in turn through the Scriptures and the Word." This way of thinking (which Foucault considers to be a foundation of Western thought), then, goes back all the way to the Old Testament, where the Word is the Beginning. Thus the word "pipe" can't serve as a pointer for the simple reason that it has already become, in the mind of the viewer of the drawing, the thing itself in this mystical, Platonic fashion. And hence the quandary that Foucault suggests, and which forms the basis for the rest of his essay.
    But we are not convinced that this saves Foucault's explanation: evoking this mystical bond still doesn't, in our view, explain why the viewer so readily accepts that the drawing of the pipe is an analogue of the pipe. Even in that moment when the viewer, in considering the basic paradox of the drawing, suspends the judgment, "this is a drawing of a pipe" (at which level the title of the drawing is very much true), and accepts the drawn pipe as being a "real" pipe (at which point the title becomes absurd), he or she doesn't, as we've already said, reach for the pipe to smoke it. In any case, this moment when the viewer becomes captivated by the drawing can be likened to the kind of reverie that we enter into when we read a book, watch a movie, etc.: where we go from seeing or experiencing the analogues as only being representations to actually being the thing itself. But, as with any reverie, a sudden contact with "reality" will snap the viewer out of it. The viewer of Magritte's drawing, once he enters this reverie, might well be thinking "this is a pipe"--indeed must be if he or she will take any interest in the drawing beyond its technical or material aspects--but a loud noise, another viewer in the gallery, a call coming into his or her cell phone, will all bring the viewer back to the realization that the drawn pipe is simply a representation of a "real" pipe. If this, then, is the mystical bond Foucault is speaking of, it is a short-lived one. "

    My Mother's day pipe, not pipe, is so awesome. It reminds me of how hard it is to talk to the love I have for my kids. The joy in their thinking, lives. Their humor. And to get a pipe, not pipe, from your child for Mother's day, a treatise on meanings, analogies, the slippery slopes of art, image, meaning that defined my thinking life-this is really such a fascinating perception.
    Now this searching took me kind of all over, you can imagine.

    What is Art?

    On Flickr I found a few images that made me laugh:
    If Magritte Were a Monkey by changoblanco.

    Ceci n'est pas une pipe by PΛRT ΘF MΞ {avraham cornfeld}.
    ceci n'est pas une pipe by emdot.

    Ceci n'est pas Magritte by standickinson.
    All titled like the painting.

    It's funny but now I think of this image as a statement on iconographic images.
    And it does have a "strangeness" that is hard to hold.
    A wonderful gift for her Momma. Happy Mother's Day.


    ( Just found this funny link.)
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  9. I got up this morning at 5 AM which I do everyday. This morning felt like trying to swim through a thick layered suffocating fog, probably because I was in a pretty deep dream and struggled to stay awake.  I tried to remember the dream but it was gone by the time I reached the bathroom.  One of the cats reminded me of the morning chores then too-hungry and wanting he tripped me on the stairs. 

    When you are a public school teacher there are the home chores and the school ones. I did the dishes folks left, unloaded and loaded dishes, fed cats, unhooked twelve tablets I got donated and bring home to charge, tried to change litter, pack a lunch I forgot anyway, loaded water bottles in the fridge that will be gone when I get home, and just pulled myself out the door. Then I drove to work. I get to school by 7.

    Today was a little different because one of my daughters is visiting. Also because one of my 5 year old students brought a cell phone. It was one of the first things ratted out this morning. She not only had it, it began incessantly ringing almost to the second I learned she had it. Long story short she took it to impress her friends. They weren't impressed enough to overwhelm her crying and super huge freak out when my aide took it to the office and they told her mom the phone was at school. My day went a bit south because this normally silent child was losing it. Her words-losing it. She and the bevy of girls I teach were in support mode for the next two hours as she begged to go home "sick. "  she developed quite a few illnesses including bad foot. She was not sick. But that pretty much tanked the feeling tone. I just held firm on you do not need to go home right now. Making me the room meanie. 

    I actually think her mom was relieved she had it at school over the phone being stolen. 

    The day was filled with centers, lessons, incomplete thoughts, tasks like hauling the garden center outside- a bit of a haul for me. I had to cancel a lunch plan and went to help a very good K teacher I learn ideas from. I work there after my kids go home. I enjoy it. Energy I'm putting into helping one child in my room maybe is helping. No one got punched today. 

    And the backpack came back. 

    A backpack disappeared from a student in January. At our school nothing like that has happened. And my playyard and area for my kids is very protected so when it disappearred in January it was so strange. After snack at nine it was gone. In it was everything you'd ever want. It was a lovely canvass pack with stars all over the navy. It looked to me like a Carl Sagan pack if such a thing exists. It disappeared with a lunchbox that matched and a pouch and more including a Scholastic book order check. I've talked to her mom several times about it all because I was very worried about the check. I bought her the same pack in February I felt so bad about all this. And reordered her books with family writing a new check. One day in March the scholastic check appeared in the office so I could return it for the family to destroy. That was odd. It was found lose on the school grounds. We've had enough rain to totally destroy a check. Yet there it was found out In the elements. You can tell I've given this a lot of thought. The books came. And I began a complete school search for the pack telling everyone. Everyone. 
    But no backpack. But I held out hope. 

    Today my aide said she saw it on a lostband found rack in the upper grades. And yes, I'd checked that place weeks ago. So in came the lost pack looking exactly the same. Or stolen pack -all completely fine. Every single thing intact. 

    That made today interesting to me as I await the day I actually learn who had it. I believe We will learn the true story. 

    As I was in the office reporting on all of this, a call came in to me. Incredibly rare I get called. They hung up. I used the restroom and they phoned again. So I took the call. In the office which I never do. 

    The momma was crying. She's sorry her son isn't doing the homework. I send a few letter review pages and a work on your name page for the week. Her son knows his name and letters. Which is awesome. She said haltingly he doesn't know but she's fighting cancer. 



    Walking back to my room I was thinking about the hundreds of interactions, lessons, moments in this day. Ones in the moment, ones with ties to other days like that disappearing pack. When I gave it to my student today she yelled out-"finally I knew it would come back. "

    I didn't. My faith in that was so low I bought another pack, which while identical, was NOT the same. Her father bought her the original and that pack for her was about all that is good in this life. My pack was more about a loss of innocence. The return of the original restored a true cheerfulness to my student I saw from a mile away. 

    And then I also sent home report cards. 

    School is a magical
    Place. It has layers, mysteries, things complex. Today's journey was just a quick pause in seeing school as a wonderously interesting ripple across the surface. 

    A strange thing to try and share. But nothing like I hear described by school reformers and those that have left the classroom. Just not what they choose to put out as what it all is. And that's a shame really. 


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  10. Those are my daughters-MARCHING in Los Angeles on one of the most important days Women have known collectively, January 2017

     When you wake at seven and look at your Facebook to see coverage of the numbers at the Women's Marches worldwide it's hard to see an article dissing feminism (and all that was) because someone was offended a couple kids marched yesterday somewhere in America topless.
    But such was my morning and such is my niece.
    This niece when she was writing stories that were incredible and so personal, and small showing me on a rare visit, I praised as maybe one day being a writer. Her head of the family father loudly told me off. The second time that December day he chose to do that, before I hid in the bathroom. The other was for his take on Blacks. He loudly told me her job would be "being a mother." Period.
    And he let her hear it.
    These are the things I'm never supposed to utter to get my family card. 



    Feminists brought you dear girls of my family some fundamental rights, and a long way.
    You can diss them now because they stood for your right to do so.
    On the backs of giants we place our feet.
    History happened.

    When I was young I had my first teacher interview for a job that paid me eight thousand a year. Half time job- all I could hope for in Morgantown then. In that interview I was asked- did I plan on ever marrying, was I going to ever get pregnant, was I going to or did I date, did I miss days for my period. Mr Walls asked me these things as he told me because hiring a woman could be a real problem. Also to see what kind of person I was. To this day he is thought of as an exceptional principal.  He did hire me. He informed me I could not wear pants and the outfit I was wearing looked less expensive than it should. It was a wool skirt below my knees. All I could afford. And he hired me. I was grateful for that. I did not dream of, nor ever ,question him. Much like my brother in law-the expectation was-he's to be left unchallenged.

     When my mother was in her twenties and worked for the phone company to support my father as he got a PHD she was called honey at work. She stated to me she was thankful for that work. Women as phone operators was a very good job then. Not well paid, but something allowed to women. She appreciated the job all her life. She lived in fear in the 1950s it would become known she was a divorcee she told me before she died as she had a first husband that abandoned her. And that would mean her job was lost. Dad made her promise she'd never tell even her kids. And had I not asked her directly and forced the issue-as she was honest-I'd never have known. Imagine the shock I had in my teens when I found a ring in her tiny jewelry box as Dad divorced her.  She also failed to reveal her father as an abuser-that fell to a question too in her last year of life. He broke her mother's back before their later years divorce.

    You can be "over" feminists because you are ignorant of history, but you will not erase as long as I breathe who brought you into a situation where you can think independently about situations like in my life, get jobs, own property, rent apartments and basically live in independence if you choose. Feminists gave you that and more. When my mother moved to Morgantown she tried to rent their new apartment. By then my father was a graduate student too busy for this. She was inquiring of a bank president named Evans-a family friend later-and he informed her he would deal only with Dad and to let the men "handle it." In the early 1960's. Things my dear niece are different in ways you cannot hope to know.

    Yesterday women of all colors and creeds put their feet on the pavement for their daughters.
     So that they can be scientists as well as mothers. So they can choose things. And to answer a President who might grab them "by the pussy. " And because of a million reasons a Woman's March right now matters.

    Feminism gave us a forum once to even question what was dished out.
    And someone wrote this mess or a response or a like to reveal on my Facebook in some article about being over feminism, that they are so over feminists because a couple marched yesterday shirtless. Emboldened in the moment. Yikes.
     Perhaps you forget history and therefore are doomed to repeat it. Feminists called out once things like women draped on bear rugs for men's pleasure. Like we saw from the first lady. Like some of us are over.
    Sadly a niece we marched for as a family posted a "like"for that anti-feminist view.  Go read the words and study the feminist Gloria Steinem who spoke at the Washington rally. Yes use her actual intellectually framed words, over the antics of a few women shown to prop up a notion all women marching were naked or aborting. Critique that.
    There you come up against feminist theory. 

    We will march for our daughters.
    Yesterday my daughters marched FOR ME!
    I am a feminist and I will look any being in the eye, eye to eye and say being sexually assaulted, discriminated against, told by guidance counselors in high school not to take math because I was a girl and need to worry about getting a man to have babies- among many many other things is exactly why I will always fight and expect to work on women's rights.
    Someday maybe a man will work so my daughter can gain HER PHD.
    That will happen.

    I am a feminist for the children that will come after me who do indeed deserve to see a woman as president and who will understand why that is something that matters.
    Not on a fur or wearing a fur, but working on legislation.

    I am a feminist. I'm not over them. 
    I stand on their shoulders and I vote because of them.

    I will never accept second class rights and unequal pay for equal work. 

    I am fighting for my daughters.
    As they fight for their future.
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I'm a public school elementary teacher from W.V. beginning my career in poverty schools in the 1980's. (I have GIST cancer-small intestinal and syringomyelia which isn't what I want to define me but does help define how I view the meaning of my life.) I am a mom of 3 great children-now grown. I teach 3rd grade in an Underperforming school, teaching mostly immigrant 2nd Lang. children. I majored in art, as well as teaching. Art informs all I do. Teaching is a driving part of my life energy. But I am turning to art soon. I'm married to an artist I coaxed into teaching- now a Superintendent of one of the bigger Districts in the area. Similar population. We both have dedicated inordinate amounts of our life to the field of teaching in areas of poverty hoping to give students opportunities to make better lives. I'm trying to write as I can to the issues of PUBLIC education , trying to gain the sophistication to address the issues in written forms so they can be understood from my teaching contexts.I like to blog from daily experiences. My work is my own, not reflective of any school district.
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