"I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For"

......That's the song on the radio as I drop off my daughter to what looks like a pretty nice set up at Caltech today. My first child, that I'm not really sure I ever let cross a road unattended.
She's starting her great adventure.
It was interesting in the school to look at the other parents, other kids. We listened to a welcome and pretty much that was it and we left her in a dorm room where ironically her new roomates name was "Sarah." Somethings are funny even when you feel awful.

Next week Sylvia goes on a freshman retreat to Ventura or around the corner from us here to stay in a hotel and do whatever they do in a frosh retreat. Something that sounds like an opportunity to make friends and get to know what school will be. I think it might be a bit different than I knew. Just the absence of long lines and rude yelling told me that. It was a mainstay of my college admissions experiences. Hours of it. Never had enough books, always being yelled at. WVU yelled at you a lot.

Sylvia looked ready to deal with everything, and I looked ready to go throw up.
After eating at an awful Bar-Be-Que place coming home I am now completely ready to throw up. Bad food. We will see if this improves by morning. If not I'm taking a day off. I may just do that and hold her stuffed lion that she got when she had surgery. I see it in her room.

I'm feeling like a mom who just sent their child to college might, kind of disoriented. Happy it looked so nice, able to see that she can get help if she needs it. Nice kids everywhere. In fact it was so much kinder and softer than my everyday I did notice, wow. No one telling you off as I experienced three times Friday, once for "too hard homework", once for not allowing a child to go on the fieldtrip and once by an employee who was snapping at me about the lunches I had to push on a big cart which was hard on me to the fire station. So it was interesting to see people in another world. Looking like they were hoping for good things and a world of possibilty for their children.
Very diverse kids, very soft.

You think about a lot of things as a mom and public school teacher....I did. Thought about my students. Thought about a mom who wants me to cut out spelling altogether as it is hard (cat, hat, sat, bat, fat, that) , thought about the things these children could count on growing up, books, technology, homes, food, trips, families, the kinds of differences between worlds.
No gang tatoos all over them as some of my students can say about their families.

Syl eats on a dinner card and can get what she needs on that card from a store and bookstore. She has a washing machine and dryer right there. She has a very high bed with a desk below. I kept giving her cash. I want to get her an air-cleaner, small vacuum, small refrig, bring her the tiny TV and think of things to make it nicer for her. Maybe take a room and go over and clean once a week, ha, ha. Her roommate was kind of messy so I know that's really good as Syl likes to leave everything kind of all over. So no one will be upset.

I'm kind of upset.

So here are my very few photo's. I couldn't take more....kind of feeling blue.




Before we went, she has a new haircut.

Jack wore this. It was a Dad's day gift we made him about 14 years ago.
In Monterey when she rode the carousel.

Cal Tech welcome baloons. I started to take a set and Jack said, "No."


These trees are gorgeous.







Her dorm, Avery , for now.
In a few weeks she can trade if she wants that.





Leaving her at her room. i did cry a little bit there.