A Day in the life.

Today I drove home in the middle lane of Victoria-a huge road that goes to my house. 

I had a large car hauling transporter truck on one side, and a car on the left coming to a red light.

 I was going 40 decelerating. A grey kind of sports utility car came up fast behind me honking in a hugely loud continuous way-I can't go anywhere. It's mild bogglingly loud and angry and I glance at my rear view mirror and instantly feel his fury at me.

He taps my bumper at the light. The guy on the left turns.

 This guy goes around me and he has his window down. I look because the horns so loud and I'm trying to make sense of this..can't see his face but  see his arm outstretched with a gun in his hand. 

 

The lights turning green, thought I was going to die, I just close my eyes, he's still on the horn. 

 

Ok...I obviously am not shot. I slowly drive up Victoria so scared he'll be at the next light but  can't really pull off cause of the huge truck hauling rig thing. So drove past my home kind starting to feel increasingly weird to Whole Foods to get these cookies I need to bring to the staff once a month pot luck,  but once there I can't function and sit in my car thirty minutes being unable to breathe. I finally think to call Jack-he's not able to hear me out for a long time, just doesn't get where I'm going with telling these few sentences and he's going to a meeting. I guess that's far more important but I can't drive home for some reason. 

I get the cookies and call Luca who gets to me so fast on his skateboard. Walking it would take me an hour and a half. Luca drives me home and Georges comes and that's so helpful.

But....this was extremely scary and that guy was full of rage. 

 

 

Here it is almost eleven at night.

It's way too vivid and can't suppress my feeling-incredible anxiety.

 

What didn't happen was my life flashing before my eyes. I was totally centered on thinking if I'm shot keeping the car from killing others. And that feeling is still overwhelming me.

That and feeling genuinely not ok, I don't want to drive.